sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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