2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
