I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
