At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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