I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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