Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
