And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
