I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
