i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
