it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.