Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?