also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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