put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty