Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.