I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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