You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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