Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
