M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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