Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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