just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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