dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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