we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
