WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
