I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I looked at my own cervix.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
