God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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