I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
