it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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