My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
