he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the raccoons are back...
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