You really coming over, don't trick.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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