i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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