I just threw up on my dentist
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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