People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
