Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
