What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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