How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
