I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
