just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
