just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
