Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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