He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
