You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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