You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
