I can tuck mytits in my pants
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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