i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
