I should be sponsored by Trojan
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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