should my penis look like a turkey
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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