she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
