Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
