Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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