im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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