Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
