how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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