I'm really into asian looking animals
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
