Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
