my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
