just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
