That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
