too bad you live with your parents still
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
