Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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