the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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