you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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