Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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