You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
