I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
