how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
