I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
