What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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