Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
