all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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