I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
