explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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