Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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