my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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