I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
A+ Viking dick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
